did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
