Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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