He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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