so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
