people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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