More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize