i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
