I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
