I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
