Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
