So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize