I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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