hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
