The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
