i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
