just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
