I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize