When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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