How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
