my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
