dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
