She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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