I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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