Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize