Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
