oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
