Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
