his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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