She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
