my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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