Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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