So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
