On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
