Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize