babies were throwing up all over the place
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
