I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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