I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
