Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
