apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
