Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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