ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
