Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
