24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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