I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
