Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
