I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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