I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
