Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
