Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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