Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't put those talents on a resume
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
