I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
