Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
