This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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