i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize