It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
