Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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