Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize