You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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