remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
