Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
