I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
