Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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