Can Purell be used as lube?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
