she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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