new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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