my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Randomize
