As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You need Xanax blowdarts
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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