im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
