one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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