Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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