i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
