whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
