she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
