My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
