I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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