New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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