Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
