my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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