We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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