we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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