i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
