Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
