WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have aggressive nipples.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
