We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
