your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
