He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
