The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You dont lie about slip and slides
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
