oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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