In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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