This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
