So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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