Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
