yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
