I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize