got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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