Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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