We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
