I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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