You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
