How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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