Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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