Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
