found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
