I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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