she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
