Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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