Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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