Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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