This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
