He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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