before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
