oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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