Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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