I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
