But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
