I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
