Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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